The demonetization move by Modi has put people in a fix and millions are flocking to their banks like it’s an annual sale at a shopping mall. Gone are the days when we used to see long queue and pass by thinking about how lucky we were not to be part of it. These kinds of gathering have opened up a slew of new business opportunities for a lot of people willing to go an extra mile for their customers. Just the other day when I was passing by a SBI branch, I was surprised to see the kind of development that’s taken place around the branch entrance.
We are in the 21st century and there are hundreds if not thousands who grab any opportunity to make a kill. Well, what better than the current scenario outside banks these days.
So, there is this one SBI branch that I regularly pass by every day. On a normal working day you get to see couple of elderly men sitting by the steps of the bank reading the newspaper and couple of people entering in and out of the branch. Nothing special to notice on a regular day, but since the last few days after the demonetization move announced, this particular branch like the others have seen unexpected long queues. So long is the queue that it would take someone an entire day to count the number of people standing. The first couple of days as I passed by this place, stuck in the traffic created by them, I wondered how long it would take a person to get his job done. The thought would ponder for few seconds in my mind and like any other Indian, untouched by other people’s worries, I used to move on. Yes, that’s somewhat insensitive, but we are like that. Let’s agree to disagree.
Days passed by and I for some or the other reason wasn’t able to travel that route. Finally I got a chance to pass by today and I was stunned at what I saw. Out of curiosity I got down of my car and I was compelled to witness this miracle. The freaking damn place had totally changed.
So, here I go in chronological order that I witnessed at the time.
- Half a kilometer away, the first board read ‘Kya aap Close Up Karte haiiiinn?” with “Engage” deo counters. Well well, this seemed interesting and caught my attention immediately. I imagined that the companies wished to keep the people standing for long hours fresh and minty smelling. Good move man!
- As I moved forward, I could see couple of young lads brushing their teeth and using the deo’s. Well I said to myself, this sure is working. Finally “Indians” are thinking & caring about others choking over body odor. This move seemed welcoming in this so called winter that’s been turned warm duly by the fuming Janta. As I barely got over this; next booth was a treat to my eyes which was truly unbelievable. “Read Loudly. Explain Exactly, Present Effectively, Speak Continuously, Argue Strongly”, yes it was none other than Sure English guys teaching a crash course in English.
I was like damn, did I really see that. At that moment, it was like I definitely needed a crash course of all this as my mind was Arguing Strongly in all the freaking directions as to why the god damn English Learners Center booth was placed there. Never mind, I said to myself; a long way to go yet and hence moved on. As I took few more steps, I noticed some girls, giggling away to glory looking at me. I thought to myself, well they must be wondering if I was contemplating on taking a crash course since I froze for a while looking at the booth sign.
- These girls were really pretty and I did enjoy their attention even if it was for all the wrong reasons, I realized I was standing in front of non other than the “Duniya Apke Kadmo Mein” sign board, remember the guy with those heavy mustaches. Yes, it was none other than Dinesh Suitings and Shirting who ads always told us – “Be Somebody”. Well, I said to myself again, I am somebody and I don’t need anyone to tell me what to be, move on was the call of action.
- Sala! ‘Yeh Toh Bada Toing Hai’ ka next counter. I wondered to myself, why anyone would need new clothes and underwear in a Bank queue. The only logical explanation I could come up at that time was; India is a big country and there are many who do chutiyapanti, and may be this, was catering to those kinds. Fair enough! Aage Badho!
- Aila, ek shock se nikle nahi, dusra shock. IndiaDating, Indiacupid, Getclose, Fropper, DesiKiss, international mein Match, Udate, Wamba, name it. All sitting under one roof ready to hook you up with their expertise. If that just wasn’t enough Bharat Matrimonial, Shaadi, JeevanSathi and the likes were next to them. Get hooked and Get Booked was the mantra of the day. Express entry for the next booth on request board was put up like what Cannaeda government is giving out in terms of Visas to Indians. Grab it before you dab it!
- I wondered, they got you to freshen up, dressed you, educated you as you stand, and let’s not forget guys, all in the queue outside SBI. How fast have we evolved under demonetization scheme? Wow, just ceases to amaze me. So here I am, all amazed at the next booth, I see all god-men sitting with all the holy books in the world. An express entry into the world of matrimony. They got everything up for grabs, theme based weddings, outfits, props, guests on request. Name it. Before you blink, you are grabbed of the market! Damn again I said to myself, India has emerged. All this perks available within less than a quarter of a mile, truly amazed at the services offered for free.
I paused yet again. Wondering to myself what’s in stored next. I summarized the events to myself, I get all decked up and ready to be hooked up at the booth before this one, where is the girl of my dreams? Yes, a big question landed up right in front of me… itna forward to nahi hue hai as a society that 2 ghante mein shadi ke liye ladki fasa sake! As I pondered hard and deep over this thought, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder, a soft voice said to me…
“Beta, socho mat, Modi ki den hai! Bank ke line mein khada kar ke woh Maan ki shuddhi karva raha hai, yeah sab companies tumhe tan se shudh kar rahe hai… Dhan toh tumhare pass already hai… Ladki ke mata pita ko aur kya chahiye!”
Fucking shit, it struck like a million volts of lightning concentrated right between my limited overworking brains. Kya game khela hai Modi ne I said to myself. This was sure a move; I never thought would ever be at play. I looked at the lady and said “Mataji aap kaun ho”? To that she replied, mein “Psychological Counseling of India” ki member hu aur yaha free Life Counseling provide karti hu. I was sure impressed, Mr. Modi lead Govt. had thought of all this through was something I never imagined…
No Animals, Humans, Brands, Trees were hurt during the making of this article, please do not forget that this is humor and names mentioned in this article have been used towards betterment and upliftment of the facial structure of the reader and in no case we mean to downgrade your values, facial and monitory wise.