The great Indian Man’s Pastime for generations is the “One Inch Itch”. If you are not aware of the One Inch Itch, it’s basically men, standing in public places scratching their sack. It’s disgusting especially when someone does that non-stop looking at women. It’s even more disgusting when men do it on purpose with those lewd facial gestures. But at times, we all men feel the need for an itch or a quick adjust, times our stuff is in an awkward position and it’s got to be sorted. This kind of sudden need to work on ones discomfort is understandable if done subtle in public. The ones doing it on purpose need a through spanking and lessons on How It’s Got to be Done!

Wonder why am I speaking about the ball scratch phenomenon Indian men love to do so, especially in public view. Well, couple of days back; my misfortunes made me bump into someone, we ended discussing stuff as usual and during an intense conversation on current affairs in our country, this guy out of nowhere started to pleasure himself. I mean, who the fuck in a heated debate would think of going for it; not once, but vigorously grinding his nuts. If those nuts ever had a voice, they would sure scream out to be spared!

While he was at it, it struck me to look around my surrounding; thankfully my fears were put to rest. I was under the impression; this guy might have seen a woman to which he instantly reacted with the uncalled for action. The guy might be a sordid sucker making an attempted pickup gesture to woo a girl. Yes, a lot of men do that to pass a signal of interest. Totally below the belt move, but then Indian men do a lot of stuff in public which is out n out below standards. Anyways, since there was no women around I got back concentrating on the conversation at hand. But then I was unable to keep my focus intact. This situation seemed like made up of 2 actions, war of words between us and acts of discomfort escalated to a war like situation below by him. This made me utterly uncomfortable, by this time I was running out of my patience. Holding on to the last strands of sanity, my mind informing me to avoid confront with him on his constant badgering below. Since the topic on hand was to do with Modi’s demonetization move, we were already into a heated debate. But me being me, I had to utter the unutterable.

“Bhai, tu ab band bhi karega ke tukde girnetak laga rahega!”

All hell broke loose; suddenly there was calm between the 3 of us. Instantly the hand came off and he just went blank, pale actually. I tried to gauge the situation and tried to restart the conversation. I failed miserably. The argument, at one moment seemed like would escalate to a fist fight, suddenly had lost its steam. The guy in question broke his silence and uttered the magic words, “chalo bhai, mil ke aacha laga” extending his hands for a shake. I was like; damn I am not touching that hand which just got out of a war zone! One more pause and it was all over.  As I see him mount on his bike and wiz away, I realized one thing.

The Ball Scratch Timepas had taken equal position if not proportions as discussing Mr. Modi and his policies. This average Indian Joe, who suddenly has become a Finance expert, has somehow managed to master & mix the art of ball tampering while discussing Modi. He has managed to mechanically equate the amount of frustration against the currency ban into proportions of violent motion within an inch of area.

Safe to say, lot of Indian men indulged into a primitive act of ball tampering when jittered, either by the presence of a good looking girl or a conversation. Might be they are too full in their minds with eternal ideas about their manhood. They somehow know it cool to beat the jack, as a matter of fact; the majorities of jacks are masters of none and have hardly seen any glory to flatter upon!